changinh the way of thought

As I said to many people, the moment when I put my first step on this country-American, my life was definitely changed. This country, was known by opportunities and freedom, but it's seem not for me, I was wondered. I was stuck with negative thoughts about myself currently and my future. Honestly to say, it's a really bad time that I have to get through. My future for me seem very gloomy and uncertain. Sitting in a class, while my classmates was joking and I nearly not understood what they are laughing about, that moment I felt myself is so incompetent. Going to the SAT test and I could not read just only one passage, wanting to convey a sentence but my pronunciation was too bad. When I tried to say something, I was shame with it. There are something, a magical power some how hold these words in side of my throat, I could not open my mouth to say just because I feared of saying something wrong. That feeling is so bad. I was being compared with my cousins- who were born here, in US. I was blamed by my relative that the English degree that I had is the useless thing and I'm not study better than my cousins do- just because they have many prizes from joining school activities. I have a time wondered why I have to go here, the place where the language not my original one, a place where there is so many thing that I am not get used to, the place where I have to live under the bright of somebody else, while I was considered the shadow and not having any talent? Difference in languages and culture is not a very big problem for me but the way my relatives treated me feel traumatize, and it made me began to feel badly about myself. But I completely "emancipated" my self by changing the way of thinking. That day, when I was surfing the Facebook and I saw a quote by Albert Eistein, which I really like and it's almost fish me out the ocean. "Everybody is a Genius. But If You Judge a Fish by Its Ability to Climb a Tree, It Will Live Its Whole Life Believing that It is Stupid. ” Indeed, I'm not that bad as else said. They just judge me by what they posit to be true, even it's true or not. The most important thing is I have to trust myself, no one can judge me in their perspective. A fish can not climb a tree in fact but that doesn't mean I can not good at English, it doesn't mean that I will continue badly in the future. My future is in my hand, it can just happen if I don't awake and allow myself continuing badly. I need to make a change, I thought. If I don't speak out, I can not speak English the rest of my life. If I chose to stay and study here, I can not stop trying to improve myself better and better. On the contrary, being here is a opportunity for me to have new experiences, meet new people, and become a new person- a better version of me. Sometimes facing with challenges help me become more mature in thoughts and behaviors, which, for me, is a new page in my book of life. If somebody ask me which motivation hold me back here, I probably don't know either, I would not say because of the careers or opportunities, but I feel that these changes make me become the best version of me ever. Even I still have some drawbacks but there are no reason for me to be shame with it. In short to say, no one can understand you better than yourself. As the Chinese millionaire Jack Ma said: "We are born to live and experience life. " Everyone have the right to live and behave the way they want to. And understand yourself is a part of shaping the person who you are in the future. I'm me, I'm myself. It's not matter of how other judging at me. Life is mine, not other's.