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by increasing the number of sports facilities

A plethora of people claims that the sport should be risen to enhance people's well-being. Other people believe that if it will be gone up, its effect will be less on public health, so, we need another solution. I agree with the first notion. This essay will discuss both these views.
Today, it is a more popular belief that the sports center's number must be increased by the council. This view is very logical because people need to do sports. If these facilities rise, people will go more there. That is why people will be more healthy. Owing to the fact that sports facilities offer the opportunity to live a healthy life. Moreover, well-balanced is not enough to be healthy people. At the same time, we have to do sports in sports facilities with a personal trainer. To give a clear example, according to the result of a study conducted by the University of California, the public of California who go to Gym increased dramatically, after opening more sports places.
On the other hand, getting say to another view, some people think that provided that more sports facilities are opened, it will not be beneficial. It is looked for various solutions for this notion. Seminars or training are organized by the government. Furthermore, people who do not do sports should be encouraged by the government with these seminars and education. thus public who want to be healthy will take the education and will be their awareness for this subject.
In conclusion, although the majority of people believe that sports facilities should be soared, a lot of people say that this is not true. We find other measures to being healthy. In my opinion, if facilities' number improve, people will go there and they will be more well-being.
A plethora of people claims that the sport
should
be risen
to enhance
people
's well-being. Other people believe that if it will
be gone
up, its effect will be less on public health,
so
, we need another solution. I
agree
with the
first
notion. This essay will discuss both these views.

Today
, it is a more popular belief that the sports center's number
must
be increased
by the council. This view is
very
logical
because
people need to do sports. If these facilities rise, people will go more there.
That is
why people will be more healthy. Owing to the fact that sports facilities offer the opportunity to
live
a healthy life.
Moreover
, well-balanced is not
enough
to be healthy people. At the same time, we
have to
do sports in sports facilities with a personal trainer. To give a
clear
example, according to the result of a study conducted by the University of California, the public of California who go to Gym increased
dramatically
, after opening more sports places.

On the other hand, getting say to another view,
some
people
think
that provided that more sports facilities
are opened
, it will not be beneficial. It
is looked
for various solutions for this notion. Seminars or training
are organized
by the
government
.
Furthermore
, people who do not do sports
should
be encouraged
by the
government
with these seminars and education.
thus
public who want to be healthy will take the education and will be their awareness for this subject.

In conclusion
, although the majority of people believe that sports facilities
should
be soared
,
a lot of
people say that this is not true. We find other measures to being healthy. In my opinion, if facilities' number
improve
, people will go
there and
they will be more well-being.

Other IELTS writings:

  1. Legend: Mistakes Corrections 7 Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more 3 Can be paraphrased Just=merely But= on the contrary Different= various Comments: Always check the tenses of the verbs by also checking if the dates and time of chart. Avoid using fragment sentence. Be mindful with subject-verb agreement. Task Achievement (TA): 6.0 Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 5.0 Lexical Resource (LR): 5.5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 6.0 Advice Your supposed score is 5.5 You address the requirements of the task , but the information presented needs more clear organization. You also attempt using complex sentences, but they are often inaccurate. You use a mix of complex and simple grammatical forms , but there are mistakes grammatically that might impede communication.
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