Halluctination and false trust

I would say I’m a moderately lonely person as far as lonely people go. I used to have friends I’ve not alway been like this, a social reject, once I had friends but it turns out people only want you when they need something or when you're the shiny, new, rich guy. It's pathetic really, how invested people get in a meaningless half-life of school. According to some random scientists online or something as soon as you turn eighteen you’ve actually only spent nine percent of your life in a classroom. So why should I spend my life with the controversial bother of high school dramas. My life is pretty much perfect, except for one slight strange detail in my life, my best friend. My bestfriend isn't actually a person per se, more like a reflection of myself because that's exactly what it is. It's literally me looking into a mirror, it's always " I am your best friend, but I will be a reflection of you and vice versa". The only real changes I can see are in myself, I see in it the exact same traits that I'm proud of, the weakness, and the stubbornness. My friend looks me dead in the eye, grabs my shoulder and says "You can do anything". Then it does it all. It's almost scary how identical we are, because we're the same person, but why am I always like this and it's always like this and it acts and thinks the same as me but I act and think the exact opposite? It believes in me. It believes I'm worth more than this sad-ass small life and It's happy to go wherever and do whatever, but why would I care about it if it has no interest in me in return? I'm aware of how cruel it sounds, but I don't want to be angry all the time and I don't want to be it. I will love it and I will be the reflection forever, it will love me regardless of if it want to, it has no choice in the matter actually, and I will love or hate it willingly but what is the point in doing that if I have no one else to love? What is the point of thinking I'm worth something? My self-worth is a literal satallite around my day some days its telling me I'm amazing the other days its convincing me it would be better if I just took a rather large step off a cliff. I honestly can't make up my mind and there's no hope to find out what's me and what's a reflection. I feel like I'm stuck on an infinite loop of my own reflection and I'm now the hero and the villain in that loop It's sort of funny when I think about it, its my other friend who cannot judge me or comment back on anything I do because it also did it, I think I'm just scared to have real connections. I'm more of a "displeaser" than anyone should be, I don't like to try not to disappoint anyone, but why is that? I feel so bad when I get into arguments or arguments start. I always take sides and I don't like feeling guilty about everything, it's not like anyone really wins when you're acting like that. I don't have any friends that tell me to not care, so it's just a vicious cycle. And then I have this mirror messing with my head all time, calling me on my bullshit I feel like I have to keep proving to my own reflection I'm as good as I claim I am, even though I can't even prove to myself that I'm ok. I have to maintain the fake happy faces no matter how much I want to just fall apart. I'm just some random guy stuck in my mind, where every single guy's off to his own personal happily ever that's slowly crumbling. On Monday, I was walking down the overcrowded halls of my school when I witnessed my old friend having a fight with this god forsaken bitch that had some creepy obsession with me, on the second floor. I was with a couple of guys from my science class that I had just met that day and we were passing by to go to another area and this terrible girl said " Fuck you Taylor " and she was quiet and didn't respond. What started it? If you asked any one of the teachers I'm sure they could give a bullshit response, but I'm sure you're aware of what started it, me. I watched that girl look me dead in the eyes and laugh so hard she had tears streaming down her face. Thats when I said " Yeah you can go fuck yourself " and I yelled it loud enough for the whole school to hear me, remember when I said "why should I spend my life with the controversial bother of high school dramas" or "a social reject" they may have been slightly dramatic ways of describing my life as infact I get into so much drama on aconstant